Being sober keeps getting better and better. I always want to be better, to do my best, to learn more, to understand more, to accept more, to help more, to be present, to know that at the end of the day I can honestly say to myself that I am living a good life now. Sobriety really does just keep getting better and better. The relationship I have with myself is far healthier than it has been probably since I was a child. I like myself far more than I ever did. When I was drinking I felt pretty wretched most of the time and liking myself was completely out of the question.
It is amazing how much escapes you when you consistently chuck alcohol down your throat. When I look back now, I see how different my ability to absorb real life was. I didn’t absorb any of it, I just lived in a sort of fuzz. Numbing out many feelings and trying to be someone else was a daily job for me. Well, not anymore. I can’t tell you how glad I am to be mostly rid of all the negativity associated with alcohol. I have no idea how I managed to live that way for so long. I can’t say that I feel like I lived a wasted life because I am who I am today because of where I have come from and the life I have lived but I often wonder what and who I would have been if I didn’t pick up those first drinks many many moons ago.
My feelings have not come about by accident, I work extremely hard at my sobriety. At the moment I am flooding my mind with all the Zig Ziglar audios that I can get my hands on. It is helping enormously. I have to identify and change old habits, beliefs and ways of coping and I am doing it. I have gone from needing a drink to literally step outside my front door on some days to having huge dreams of the life I want to live. I will get there and right now I know I am working hard to get closer to it.
Sobriety is not easy but it is worth it. I am proof that it can be done. It still surprises the daylights out of me that I am on my way towards a year and a half of sobriety.
Everywhere I go and everything I do is with a sober head now. I do not hide at home and make excuses to not go to events and different places, in fact I love to do new things and see new people. It is a complete turnaround from the way I used to be. Before I would do all kinds of things BUT only if I could drink! Well, I don’t need it anymore and that feels good.
Give it a try!