‘Do I have a drinking problem?’ I think that if you have to ask this question, or find yourself mulling it over, then chances are that you have a problem with drinking alcohol.

I knew that I had a drinking problem when I began drinking on my own. I was in my teens, probably around 14. My hormones were kicking in good and proper around then. I had already begun some binge drinking on weekends with the kids I hung around with. When I was upset over something and felt unable to communicate it, I would drink alone. I  knew back then that I had a problem with handling situations in my life. I don’t think I saw that drinking was my problem.

All of my life I have known people who drink. None of them are the park bench type. They are all people with jobs, living regular lives. The drinking is part of their lifestyle. It is an accepted norm in that environment.

I have conversations with people that I recognize have a drinking problem, yet when I talk to them, they can never quite admit that it is the alcohol in their life that is the problem. It seems that the problems come along and the person thinks that they have these problems to deal with. What they don’t see is, if they took alcohol out of the equation, they would not have these problems to deal with. The many emotions, situations, issues all arise from the alcohol abuse. Yet, they can not say that they have a drinking problem.

As I got older, I realized that I had a drinking problem. I was always honest to myself but I didn’t really discuss it with anyone else. To anyone else, it must have been stark raving obvious that I had a drinking problem. If I had a friend like me, I would know for sure that they were an alcoholic.

So, how do you know the answer to ‘Do I have a drinking problem?’

From my own experience, I would say that if you say ‘Yes’ to any of the following, then you are a candidate for having a drinking problem:

1 – Are you doing things that you would not normally do when sober?

2 -Do you feel guilty about your behavior after you have been drinking?

3 – Are you making poor choices in your life because you are drunk?

4 – Are your finances a mess because of the amount you spend on drinking and when drunk?

5 -Do you wake up with a hangover at least once a week?

Ok, so that is my criteria, but what do the experts say?..

Two good places to start if you are asking yourself ‘Do I have a drinking problem?’ are:

• The Mayo Clinic website has a  ‘Alcohol Use Self Assessment’ 
• The Huffington Post have a good article: ‘Do you have a drinking problem?  ’12 Questions to ask yourself’.

I hope you have been able answer your question!

I have worked hard to get to where I am at now, it hasn’t been easy but my life is so much more rewarding than it was when I was drinking. I definitely feel like I am a different person now. I can look back over my life now and see that ‘I’ wasn’t the alcohol problem, I was just lost for a long time. I can remember being a little kid with real clarity and remembering the feelings I used to have, and the person I used to be. Well, I still am that person, I just went off on a detour for a very long time and it has taken me a while to get myself back. It is actually a very weird experience to tell you the truth. I often have the feeling that no-one really knows who I am because I am so different now. I may have written this before but I will always remember it.
I said to a therapist once that I was afraid that people wouldn’t like me now that I was sober because I was so different. She responded by saying that even though I felt very different, the essence of me would always be the same. I didn’t understand her at the time but I do now. I have found my way back to who I really am. It has taken a lot of time, effort and work on myself but miraculously here I am writing this today and feeling what I write with all of my heart. Quite amazing. If I can do it, so can you.

zx  ywhatu uuuuuuuuuvhghip0pczjuhkkdfgg3e4ddfee

Click here to go the I Am Second website

I am constantly trying to assess what I am lacking and I what I need to make up for because of the alcohol abuse in my own past, so I did find this article written by Joseph Brownstein from the ABC News Medical Unit back in 2009;

Though they may have recovered, a new study confirms that alcoholics may still face social difficulties.

Now, researchers have demonstrated that after recovery, the brains of people suffering from alcoholism still process things differently, which may lead to difficulties recognizing emotions in others.

The researchers looked at brain scans of 15 former alcoholics and 15 people without a history of alcoholism, and found that the former alcoholics did not register strong responses when shown images of people displaying positive or negative emotions the way the others did.

Click here to continue reading;

A Celebrity Addict:

Click here to read full story;

London, England (CNN) — Alcohol ranks “most harmful” among a list of 20 drugs, beating out crack and heroin when assessed for its potential harm to the individual imbibing and harm to others, according to study results released by a British medical journal. Click here to continue reading

It is good to see that this makes international headlines.

When I first embarked on my sobriety journey, reading kept me sane. These are the books that have helped to shape me along the way.

I also have a box of books that are unread. I will continue to recommend any that I think are beneficial.

I hope you enjoy them!

 Eileen P. DeClemente wrote a book about her experience of alcoholism and recovery. What is unusual about about Eileen is that she has alcohol induced dementia. This is the first I have heard about the link between alcoholism and dementia at such an early age.

This is taken from Eileen’s website:

“Eileen DeClemente was 11 years old when she took her first drink. For 26 years she used drugs and alcohol to absorb her pain.
At the height of her addiction she was taking more than 90 pills a day.

By all accounts, Eileen DeClemente should be dead.
�
ALIVE is the inspiring story of one woman’s battle back to sobriety and a family who loved her through the darkest years of her life.
�
This courageous story recounts the details of an addiction so consuming it nearly killed her and destroyed her family. In this raw and riveting memoir, Eileen shares her fight to recover and live.  Finding courage where their was no hope, she shares her defeats, her victories and the story of her present struggle with alcohol induced Dementia.�
�
To anyone who has ever battled an addiction, and to the people who have loved them. This story is for you.”

I have not read the book yet but I thought that many of you mind find this inspiring and interesting. Here is some.

To read more about Eileen or to purchase her book, visit the website: www.eileenisalive.com.

A Sobriety Book Review: I’ll Stop Tomorrow; 

Paul Campbell has hit the nail on the head when he says ‘This book was written by somebody who had everything and lost everything’ and ‘someone who went through the living hell of chronic alcoholism and the tough times of recovery’.  This is a great book on alcoholism.

Author Paul Campbell was once a highly successful advertising executive in Ireland. He had the kind of financial and personal success that many people can only dream of until alcohol nearly destroyed him. Thankfully, he lived to tell the tale. Today, he is a successfully recovered alcoholic turned addictions counselor living in Kildare, Ireland. 

Through a man’s perspective, Campbell touches on the many issues surrounding the alcoholic. Now a addictions counselor but once a chronic alcoholic, he has his finger on the pulse of alcoholism from both perspectives. 

Campbell was asked to write a regular news column about alcoholism for the Irish Book Review. He covers topics such as ‘The Alcoholic Mind’, ‘Alcohol Obsessions’, ‘Handling the Holidays in Recovery’ and ‘Intervention Advice’, these columns provided the basis for his first book ‘I’ll Stop Tomorrow’. 

In ‘I’ll Stop Tomorrow’ Campbell delves into why the alcoholic drinks, he asks if you are an alcoholic and then supplies a test for you to take.  He also speaks of anger, boundaries, the mind of an alcoholic, women and alcohol, relationships, control, physical effects of alcohol, AA, recovery, society, making amends, an extremely useful intervention section, and a subject close to my own heart; shyness and alcohol. 

Time and time again whilst reading ‘I’ll Stop Tomorrow,’ I found myself nodding in agreement with what Campbell had to say about the disease of alcoholism. He has a canny way of making you feel understood. I admire his educated view and personal insight on alcoholism as well as the fact that his style is neither pushy nor preachy.

This effective book will benefit many audiences, especially family and friends of the alcoholic, executives, housewives, husbands, wives, alcoholics, the newly sober and anyone wondering if they may have a problem with alcohol. 

Paul Campbell’s first book is a great addition to the alcohol and recovery genre, I am certainly better informed for having read it. My hope is that he returns with a follow up book that focuses on long term sobriety.

Click here for more information about Paul Campbell   

Click here for ‘I’ll Stop Tomorrow’ by Paul Campbell  

Click here to read Paul Campbell’s weekly columns

This article is not new but is interesting…Here is an extract from ChristianityToday.com

As Clapton’s legend grew, so too did his destructive behaviors. Within a year of his conversion he became addicted to heroin, kicked it, but moved on to alcohol, sexual promiscuity, and a string of failed relationships. “Bad choices were my specialty,” he said. In 1987 he hit the bottom. Failing through a month of rehab, he fell to his knees and finally “surrendered” to God, dedicating his sobriety to his newborn son, Conor. Four years later, when Conor died in a fall from the window of a 53rd floor of a Park Avenue apartment, Clapton admitted, “There was a moment when I did lose faith.” Still, he found the strength to present a session to his Alcoholics Anonymous meeting on “handing your will over to the care of God.” Afterward, a woman confessed that he had taken away her “last excuse” for drinking, a confirmation to Clapton that “staying sober and helping others to achieve sobriety” is “the single most important proposition” in his life.

To read the full article click here 

I recently read the brilliant book on alcoholism ”Broken, My Story Of Addiction And Redemption” By William Cope Moyers with Katherine Ketcham.

It has taken me a while to write this review and not because I couldn’t think of enough great words to describe the excellent reading experience I had, but because when I approached William Cope Moyers and asked if I could review his book, I had no idea that aside from his story of addiction and redemption, he is also an accomplished journalist in his field and once worked for CNN, he is also the son of veteran journalist Bill Moyers who served as White House Secretary in the US President Lyndon B Johnson administration. I felt a little under qualified to say the least.

 I am an avid reader and I devoured this book in just a few sittings. I realized that both the message and challenge this book delivers is so powerful it has to be shared.

William tells his story memoir style, beginning in his early childhood he describes his young life and a particularly disturbing event. He goes on to detail his descent into addiction which begins during his high school years and continues throughout his adult life.

William’s life story is as interesting as his path of addiction. The fact that William was born into a privileged family makes his story even more interesting. It proves that addiction can happen to anyone.

This is not an average story about someone from a broken home with unsupportive parents who turned to drugs and alcohol then on to crime to feed a bad habit. This is a story about a man who seemingly had it all but who obviously felt the same way most addicts feel, like something was missing, that some part of him was not enough, that he was uncomfortable with his place in life and ultimately that he needed something outside of himself….drugs and alcohol to make him feel better.

William portrays an honest account of how most of the time he fooled the people closest to him into assuming he lived a normal life, yet the reality was that he was spending time in crack houses in the most unflattering of areas with the kind of people society rejects whilst spending enormous amounts of money on his drug habit. Slowly but surely, William’s life unravels as is more often the case when one is inflicted with the disease of addiction.

After a few attempts at recovery, you wonder if William will ever find a place of surrender.

“Broken, My Story Of Addiction And Redemption” by William Cope Moyers with Katherine Ketcham is a truly gripping account of addiction. William’s life story is fascinating and deeply moving. It is inspiring and courageous and will strike a chord with anyone who has been touched by addiction or is suffering from this awful affliction.

Toward the very end of the book, William delivers a challenge to all of us who are recovering from addiction, he asks us to speak up and “To break down the wall of shame, stigma and discrimination that keeps people from finding their paths to recovery, I invite my audiences to take action in their own communities”. He goes on to outline his worthy challenge to us all.

For more information about the book you can visit the website http://www.williammoyers.com/

William Cope Moyers also writes a regular column that I subscribe to and I find extremely valuable, go to this link to sign up:http://www.creators.com/health/william-moyers/parents-weekend.html

Another book by William Cope Moyers is “A New Day, A New Life”. It is in the form of a guided journal and a video.  I saw this book in the very early days of my own sobriety and it was how I first became aware of William.

Additional Info: William Moyers is the vice president of foundation relations for Hazelden Foundation.

Not that you would have noticed from the national press, well I didn’t anyway. September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month.

Here is a government website full of information that you may find useful, or perhaps you know someone who would appreciate this information.

National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month September 2009

Zig Ziglar’s words are ALWAYS worth reading, he such a smart man with an amazing brain. Straight forward and to the point, he has much life experience to learn from.

Today when I opened my regular email from Creators.com, classic Zig Ziglar I was pleasantly surprised to read Zig talking about addiction. I thought this was worth of sharing with you all….

Addictions Make Relationships Difficult by Zig Ziglar from Creator.com

While getting a haircut, the barber, who has been cutting my hair for many years, was interrupted by a phone call. The conversation lasted no more than one or two minutes. When he hung up, he said to me, “This fellow wants to come to work with me as a barber, but he smokes.” I commented that I was glad he was turning him down because the last thing I wanted to do was leave his shop smelling like smoke.

He explained that the guy certainly would not smoke in the shop, but the problem was that when he felt the urge to smoke, his mind would leave the client in his chair and go outside for the cigarette he was craving. He then elaborated by saying that when a client was in the barber shop, he wanted to make certain the barber was giving him his undivided attention, not thinking about the cigarette break he could take in a few minutes.

I have been interested in addictions for a long time and have learned that with the possible exception of crack cocaine, most addictions are acquired over a period of time. In most cases, you don’t suddenly go from tobacco to heroin, nor do you go from weighing 140 to 250 overnight. Occasionally, the first drink of alcohol brings on an instantaneous addiction, but that is more rare than common. Most people don’t become alcoholics after the first drink, though for some, that first drink does light the fire and an alcoholic is in the making.

What addictions do cause — whether they are addictions to smoking, drinking, gambling, drugs, pornography, and so on — is difficulty in building winning relationships. The reason is very simple. In each case, with some addictions being stronger than others, when a person needs a fix, a drink or a thrill, his or her thoughts are not with the person whose company he or she is enjoying. Their thoughts are on themselves and what they can do to get that fix, drink or thrill of pornography or gambling

To read the rest click here

<script src=”http://feeds2.feedburner.com/RecoveryPrincess?format=sigpro”></script><noscript></noscript>

Vivian Eisenecher has written a brilliant book titled “Recovering Me, Discovering Joy”.

I have long been interested in Vivian Eisenecher’s story. When I first embarked upon my own sobriety journey, I scoured the Internet for sobriety success stories and I came across Vivian’s website many times.

I admire Vivian’s quest to help others using her own experience with alcoholism as a platform. And, as a fellow social anxiety sufferer, I was keen to learn about Vivian’s battle with social anxiety disorder (SAD).

After reading “Recovering Me, Discovering Joy” I realized that Vivian’s book is not just a story about alcoholism, social anxiety and depression. There is a much wider, universal appeal to this book. It is a true self help and personal development book that most people would glean something from.

Vivian uses personal stories, quotes and solid facts to share her journey with the reader. This is a cleverly written book that gives you hope, inspiration and a identifiable companion in each page.

“Recovering Me, Discovering Joy” just proves that there are unlimited possibilities when you embrace sobriety and tackle your problems full on. Vivian clearly leads the way using her faith and wisdom and has definitely earned her title as Recovery Queen.

Those of you who follow Recovery Princess know that I am an avid reader and that I strongly believe in reading as a source of help in recovery.

I devoured this short but compelling book within a matter of hours. It was a fantastic read and extremely moving.

Throughout the book my eyes welled with tears numerous times as I empathized with the main character Brian’s plight and revisited some of my own teenage memories of addiction.

The story charts Brian’s journey through the beginning of his addiction until his point of surrender and return to a sober state.

Brian is a teenage boy who mainly uses drugs as opposed to alcohol throughout his addiction.

I found that although this story of addiction was more about drugs than alcohol, my focus was not really on that. The story is told in such a way that the reader can very clearly relate to the essence of addiction regardless of the substance used. You can relate to the intense need for escapism and a lack of regard for the future especially at such a young age.

The book is so moving in the sense that you can see how quickly addiction can ruin and confuse a young life.

As well as anyone who has ever battled with addiction, parents of teenagers would do well to read this book as would those of you who started your addiction at a young age.

Brian was one of the lucky ones who managed to not become ‘institutionalized’ but not before he had already been subjected to many different psychiatric hospitals and recovery institutions. The story will reasonate with those of you who have come from a difficult family upbringing as well as those of you who have been lucky enough to realize that life can get better after addiction.

For me, the golden moment in the story is near the end when Brian, through the help of his wisely spoken A.A sponsor begins to understand the magnitude of what living a full and meaningful life is really about. To help his with this, Brian’s sponsor gives him 5 main questions to assist him along his new way in life. This enticed me to grab a piece of paper and get writing myself.

The story is inspiring, sad, uplifting, moving and realistic. I highly recommend this quick read and I am better off for having read it.

 Visit this link to sign up to Sober Conversation blog

Visit this link to find out more about the Sober Conversation book

This guy is interesting, he has been through it all and is now telling his story and sharing his advice.

Paul Campbell, author of the bestselling title “I’ll Stop Tomorrow”, brings his advice to The Irish Book Review in a weekly column on understanding and dealing with alcoholism

Source: Paul CampbellOnline PR News – 05-August-2009 – Paul Campbell was one of Dublin’s most dynamic and successful businessmen. He had a loving family and lived in a beautiful home. Yet in only three months he lost it all. He found himself living alone in a bedsit. He had lost his family, his business, his home and had nothing to look forward to in life. Why? Because he was an alcoholic and alcohol had taken control of his life.

Through practical suggestions his book, and now his column provides alcoholics, their families and friends a step-by-step guide to recognizing and accepting their illness and embarking on the road to recovery.

Click here for full story

I just visited The Irish Book Review website where Paul Campbell has his weekly column so that I could sign up for updates. Click on the following link to read his weekly articles about alcoholism. You can also sign up to the RSS feed.

Paul Campbell Weekly Column

I came across this article and liked the unusual writing style of the author. Good content and an interesting read.

Understanding Substance Abuse And Addictions And How They Affect Our Relationships

Source: Knoxville Relationship Psychology Examiner, Ron Mottern

Substance abuse and addiction wreaks havoc on our relationships for any number of reasons. In the local area, authorities busted 15 members of a drug ring in Crossville that was distributing cocaine, methamphetamines, marijuana and prescription drugs. In Knoxville, four churches have been burglarized and I am willing to venture that these burglaries are related to supporting a drug habit. Although the social implications of these stories are apparent, what is not mentioned is the interpersonal misery that is caused by substance abuse and addiction. While the headlines focus on the broader aspects of drugs in society, the lives effected by drug abuse and addiction are only marginally acknowledged. A recent case where we may imagine the relational hurt caused by substance abuse and addiction is the Taconic State Parkway crash that left eight people dead, including four children, and has been linked to alcohol and marijuana use by one of the drivers.

The tendency to ignore the individual aspects of these stories is unfortunate since substance abuse and addiction is fairly widespread in our society. It is likely that either we or those whom we know have experienced problems with substance abuse and addiction in some way, either personally or through family or friends.

Having been engaged in substance abuse counseling for the past decade, one of the questions I am frequently asked by friends and family members who are suffering from seeing a loved one choose substance abuse and addiction is “Why is this happening.” I don’t think their question is existential. They are asking to understand how someone they love and who once loved them can betray that relationship for drugs. It just doesn’t make sense to them.

One way of understanding substance abuse and addiction is through Choice Theory Psychology. We all have five Basic Needs (Survival, Love, Recognition, Fun and Freedom) that we must attempt to fulfill. When these Needs are met, and they are met best through our relationships with other people, we are happy. When these Needs are not met, we are miserable. If I am not getting my Needs met, e.g., my wife has left me, I have been laid off at work, insert your own situation here., then I am going to be miserable. One way that I can feel better is to use alcohol or other drugs (AOD). It works every time. Unfortunately, AOD don’t fulfill our Needs, they just cover up the misery of not having our Needs met, so when I come down off my high or sober up after my drunk I am just as miserable as I was before, if not more so because it’s now been longer since I’ve had my Needs fulfilled. Because I am still miserable, I use AOD again. It is in this way that AOD get to be what we understand as pictures in our Quality World.

Click here for full article

If you were thinking about picking up the alcohol again, read this and think again!
Very interesting well written article about some famous alcoholic writers in history.

When Novelists Sober up by Tom Shone: More Intelligent Life Magazine

John Cheever was most unhappy to be picked up for vagrancy by the cops. “My name is John Cheever!” he bellowed. “Are you out of your mind?” Found sharing some hooch with the down-and-outs in downtown Boston, he was promptly admitted to Smithers Alcoholism Treatment Centre on Manhattan’s East 93rd Street, where he shared a room with a failed male ballet dancer, a delicatessen owner and a smelly ex-sailor. “The ballerina is up to his neck in bubble bath reading a biography of Edith Piaf,” he noted in his journal. He spent most of his time in group therapy correcting his counsellor’s grammar. “Displaying much grandiosity and pride,” they wrote in their notes. “Very impressed with self.” Eventually he fell silent. Four weeks later he emerged, shaky, fragile and subdued. “Listen, Truman,” he told Truman Capote. “It’s the most terrible, glum place you can conceivably imagine. It’s really really, really grim. But I did come out of there sober.”

He was the first American author of his rank to do so. Much ink has been spilled on the question of why so many writers are alcoholics. Of America’s seven Nobel laureates, five were lushes—to whom we can add an equally drunk-and-disorderly line of Brits: Dylan Thomas, Malcolm Lowry, Brendan Behan, Patrick Hamilton, Philip Larkin, Kingsley Amis, all doing the conga to (in most cases) an early grave. According to Donald Goodwin in his book “Alcohol and the Writer”:

Writing involves fantasy; alcohol promotes fantasy. Writing requires self-confidence; alcohol bolsters confidence. Writing is lonely work; alcohol assuages loneliness. Writing demands intense concentration; alcohol relaxes.
There is good reason to be suspicious of this: one could as easily come up with a similar list for firefighters, or nannies, the only real difference being that writers are more vocal about it—their denial more pithily expressed. As Philip Amis said of his father’s bottle-of-whisky-a-day habit: “He was Kingsley Amis and he could drink whenever he wanted because he bought it with his money, because he was Kingsley Amis and he was so famous.”

Click here for full article

I just came across this. What an inspiration to all of us who are overcoming alcohol and drug addictions. The 20th anniversary of National Alcohol and Drug addiction month is coming up in September 2009 and you can join in by participating in the Recovery Rally.

See below for details:

On Saturday, September 12th join thousands in NYC to celebrate the 20th anniversary of National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month. Together, we can raise national awareness that addiction is a treatable disease, and recovery is possible!

What is the Recovery Rally?

A FREE public event to celebrate people in recovery and pay tribute to those who support them.

The rally features a walk over the Brooklyn Bridge to reinforce the message that anyone can cross their own bridge to recovery.

The celebration begins in Foley Square with live entertainment, guest speakers and celebrity appearances!

Where does the event start?

Check-in at Foley Square in downtown Manhattan. Come early for pre-walk activities including a warm-up, musical performance and special guest speakers

When should I arrive?

Please plan on arriving at Foley Square by 8:30 AM to check-in. On-site registration will remain open until 9:00 AM.

How do I get to the Recovery Rally?

Public transportation makes it easy to get to Foley Square.

From New York City, you can get to the rally by subway, bus, or LIRR.

• Subway – Take the 4, 5, or 6 line to Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall.
  Take the 1, 2,3, J, M, or Z line to Chambers Street.
  Take the R or W line to City Hall.
• Bus – Take the M1, M6, M15, M22, M103, or the B51 to City Hall.
• LIRR – Take the LIRR to 34th St. Penn Station. Transfer to the A Train Downtown and get off at Chambers St.

If you’re driving to Foley Square, please see the directions below. Click here for a list of available parking garages nearby. You can also use Mapquest by simply typing in the intersection of Duane Street, Lafayette Street, Centre Street and Pearl Street.

Click here for full info

You can never take your sobriety for granted as this one Mom so eloquently writes her powerful story about overcoming addiction, plunging headlong back into it after 10 years and having to relearn how to overcome it again.

Source: Momlogic.com

Recovering Alcoholic-Addict Mommy: There is so much on the blogosphere lately about moms and their wine intake. One popular mom writer published an article about how she made the decision to quit drinking wine, after spending years defending her right to drink in such memoirs as “Make Mine A Double” and “Naptime is the New Happy Hour.” Another writer from Momlogic wrote a post last week about how she had dared herself to go 30 days without drinking wine, then followed up this week by writing that the experiment failed miserably and she is back on the juice.

Enough deflecting by discussing everyone but myself… I am an alcoholic. And a drug addict. I have been in recovery for 15 years, since I was 20 years old. I currently have 17 months clean and sober.

Based on the above figures, it is obvious that my sobriety path has had some forks in the road. I was sober for ten solid years, during which time I got two master’s degrees, began a career as the clinical coordinator of a drug and alcohol treatment center, and got married. In my career, I helped create a nationally based drug and alcohol prevention program for Jewish teens. My entire identity was based on being sober. I had never even taken a legal drink, and my husband had no personal knowledge of my alcoholism. No matter how many stories I told him about the out of control girl running around New York City drunk and high as a kite, he had a hard time matching that image with the accomplished and seemingly well-balanced woman he had chosen to marry.

I spent my days working as a psychotherapist to low bottom alcoholics and drug addicts. People alternatively sentenced to treatment from prisons and jails. Young men and women who had lost everything and been forced by their families into rehab. Moms whose addiction had caused them to lose their children. 

 I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child. My husband and I were elated, and I felt deeply rooted in my sobriety, career and life. As I walked through the doors at work after returning from my doctor’s appointment, the director of the treatment center grabbed me in the hall. “She’s back. Debbie is waiting in the lobby to talk to you. She is desperate for a bed. Can you deal with her?”

I muffled my sigh. Debbie had been in and out of our facility for the past few years. She was a petite young woman, with streaky blonde hair and hollow black eyes. She was a mother of three  young children and a speed freak. The most she could ever put together was a couple of months of sobriety, before some ex-boyfriend/pimp/drug-dealer eventually lured her back into the horrors of her addiction. When she was clean, she was sweet and willing. She listened attentively during groups and was honest and vulnerable. When she was caught in the web of her addiction, she became a rebellious, angry kid- a spoiled-brat punk-rocker who could give two fucks about her children. I wondered which Debbie I would be getting today.

I walked in the lobby, and tried to summon up the caring, non-judgmental social worker in me. There she sat, curled up in a ball in the corner of the sofa. She looked like a drowned rat- skinny, greasy, frightened. When she saw me, she leapt up from the couch and into my arms.

“I can’t do this anymore. I hate myself, I don’t want to die. I can’t do this to my children. Please get me a bed!” She sobbed in my arms.

She certainly knew how to say all the right things, but I had heard them all before.

I led her into my office and sat down next to her on the couch. “Debbie…why is this time different? You have been in and out of here at least 5 times over the past few years! Have you really had enough?”

Debbie looked straight at me, “I hate myself…please help me!”

I answered her truthfully, “I want to help you, but we don’t have any beds. We are completely full and we have a waiting list.”

Debbie begged, “I need to be a mother for my children…I can’t do this anymore!”

I took a deep breath and walked over to my desk and picked up my phone, “Debbie is checking back in. Put an extra bed in women’s lounge.”

As Debbie walked out of my office I looked down at my flat and pregnant body and I had only one thought. That could never be me. I could never drink or use drugs after I became a mother. I really believed that I had been cured of my alcoholic problem.

 At 8 months pregnant, my husband’s mom died suddenly, and it took much of his time and energy to process his shock and grief over this loss. After I had my son, my mom’s cancer (which had been in remission for several years) returned full force and she was given 2 years to live. I was flattened by postpartum depression and anxiety, which despite my clinical background, totally pulled the rug out from under me.

My return to alcoholism and addiction began slowly and insidiously. My anxiety was so severe that I found myself unable to eat or sleep for several days in a row. My OB prescribes a low dose of Ativan to help me. It worked beautifully.

I began to question whether I was ever really an alcoholic. After all, doesn’t every one party when they are in college? Granted, not everyone goes to Harlem in the middle of the night to score drugs off the street. Nor do normal college kids have take a medical leave from school because their drinking and drugging is so out of control. But I was convinced that as an adult and a mother, I could now handle drinking responsibly. I cleverly found a therapist to tell me that she didn’t think I was an alcoholic, and she even encouraged me to try drinking again. I hadn’t had a drink in so many years, I didn’t even know what to order. “What do you like to drink?” I asked her. 

“White wine,” she replied, with a small smile, “I love to have a glass of cold white wine at the end of the day.” My husband and I went to Vegas and I ordered my first glass of white wine in over ten years.

I wish I could say my story ended here- that I had somehow grown out of my alcoholism and could enjoy that ubiquitous glass of wine at the end of the day without consequence. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out so well for me. I spent the next few years battling alcoholism and addiction. I stayed sober during my second pregnancy and controlled my drinking while nursing. At 7 months pregnant my mom’s cancer took a major turn for the worse. She died exactly two weeks before my daughter was born. After I brought my baby girl home from the hospital, the grief, pain, sadness and anxiety I felt was indescribable.

I had all the rationalizations. I believed I was a better mom when I was under the influence of pills and alcohol. I was more relaxed, more able to deal with the stress of raising young children, more present, more in the moment, generally happier and able to function.  I prided myself on the fact that I was never abusive. I never screamed at my children or put my hands on them in anger. I took them to the park and made them organic, homemade baby food. I had the perfect image of peaceful “earth mama” down pat. I somehow believed that this persona mitigated my alcoholism and addiction, which was now spiraling out of control. 

I knew I needed to get sober again. When I wasn’t under the influence, my anxiety was off the charts. I literally felt like I was jumping out of my skin. I kept breaking my own rules: no drinking until they were asleep was quickly replaced by holding out until 6pm, then 5pm, then 4pm. I needed more and more of those little pills to simply get me through the day. My husband was terrified, but didn’t quite know what to do because he had never dealt with an addict before and I was such a brilliant liar and rationalizer (as all alcoholics and addicts must be to justify their using.)

Things got really bad. Without going in to all the gratuitous details, my husband came home on a Friday afternoon and told me the jig was up. Unless I could immediately get sober, he was sending me to a detox treatment center for 28 days the following Monday  Of course, I couldn’t stop drinking and using. I was in the middle of a run and my body was completely physically addicted. On Monday morning, he dropped me off kicking and screaming at a treatment facility. In that moment, Debbie and I were the same person: desperate, broken mothers who had come within millimeters of losing our children because of our addictions. I knew that I had to get sober or I would lose everything.

I never thought my alcoholism would progress enough to warrant me having to go into treatment. Being separated from my children during that time was the most painful experience of my life. I was dripping in shame. I felt like the worst mother in the world. It took me a long time to realize that my addiction didn’t care about my children. It didn’t care about my family, my accomplishments, my master’s degrees, or my career. It only cared about getting me drunk and high, isolated and alone. That is the very essence of the malady.

The guilt and shame that alcoholic and drug-addicted moms feel is overwhelming. We really believe that we are worthless as mothers if we can’t even stay sober for our children. What I learned in recovery the first time (and had to relearn the second time around) is that it is not my fault that I am an alcoholic, but I am responsible for treating it. Sobriety is the foundation of my life now. I truly understand that without my sobriety, I cannot function as a wife, a mother, a friend, a therapist and a writer. 

If you are reading this and finding yourself relating to parts of my story, please know that there is a way out of this destructive cycle. You are not alone.

An article in The Los Angeles Times discusses the importance of a parents role when it comes to enforcing rules about drug and alcohol use. I believe it is detrimental, especially so because of the fact that ” A child who starts drinking before age 15 has a 50% chance of becoming alcoholic; the risk falls to 9% for those who wait until they’re 21″.

I began drinking as a teen and so did many of the people I associated with. I can honestly say that most of those people including myself grew up seriously abusing alcohol and some are alcoholics. Drinking alcohol also leads to drug use and poor decision making skills in general. It also numbs the natural progression of adolescence and seriously interferes with ones personality. Drinking before 21 is just a no no in my book. If parents can not enforce a no drinking rule before 21 because of their own drinking habits then they only have themselves to blame for any problems that their child will encounter.

So much of the research these days is showing with absolute certainty that alcohol affects every one differently based on their brain chemistry, so it stands to reason that some of the teens who try alcohol will be more likely to enjoy the effects of alcohol but be unable to say no going forward. They will be more likely to use alcohol for the wrong reasons and have a harder time keeping their consumption under control. Parents should be mindful of the facts about the effects of alcohol on a young brain and therefore protect their child against it. Educating parents on teens and drinking is essential.

Here is the article from the Los Angeles Times – “Parents: Kill a buzz, save a life” by Valerie Ulene

Drug use among teens is pervasive. Nearly 45% of teenagers in grades 9 through 12 drink alcohol, and more than 25% of them binge drink, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2007 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance. Further, 1 in 3 teens has smoked marijuana, and 1 in 5 has abused prescription medication, according to a recent survey by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America.

Doctor’s Diary: Alcohol Binge Drinking Video is from the BBC News website.

The doctor speaks of the health issues he sees on a daily basis caused by alcohol binge drinking.

What is interesting is how he talks of the change in the type of person he sees in today’s world. It used to be mainly men in their fifties coming in with alcohol related health issues, now he is seeing an increase in younger adults, in particular a young woman who is only 27 years old and in need of a liver transplant. 

Take a look at this mini video about binge drinking in the U.K, It is scary stuff to listen to.

Click here to watch the video

Source; CNN by Madison Park

When rehab and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings didn’t work for Eddie Freas, he sought another way to kick his 20-year drug and alcohol addiction.

He swam 2.4 miles. He biked 112 miles. He ran 26.2 miles. The Pennsville, New Jersey, resident found relief in triathlons.

“I feel better when I’m working out,” said Freas, 33. “It does wonders for the mind. The reason I started running — it was a switch that went off in my head. I started feeling positive and feeling great about myself.”

Freas spent his youth in pursuit of drugs. At the age of 13, he snuck bottles of Amaretto and rum from his mother’s liquor cabinet. He also developed a taste for marijuana and cocaine. By his senior year of high school, Freas was kicked off the wrestling and football teams after failing a drug test.

Then in 2007, after a three-day binge, “I came home and was crying,” Freas said. “I was so depressed. I turned on the TV.” The set was tuned to ESPN, which was airing a story about a former drug addict who competed in triathlons.

The program’s subject was Todd Crandell, who had lost a college hockey scholarship because of a drug addiction. After 13 years of using drugs, Crandell started competing in Ironman races and championed finding positive ways to fight addiction through his program called Racing for Recovery.

Having an athletic background, I was drawn to getting back in shape,” Crandell said. “It makes you turn intellectually and spiritually fit. Exercise is essential. It decreases addiction, depression and you use it as part of the recovery.”

Freas was entranced by the parallels.

“His whole story seemed like mine,” Freas said. “That’s why it hit me so much. It was my story but it happened to somebody else. I knew I had to get back into fitness.”

He took a bus to Racing for Recovery’s office in Sylvania, Ohio. There, Freas said he learned to “stay clean and use other things — fitness, instead of drugs.” On his first day, Freas pushed himself to run 10 miles.

“It killed me,” Freas said. “I was just motivated. I was sore for a week and I gradually got into it. As soon as I started including fitness into my everyday lifestyle, it made it so much easier. It kept me busy and because of the physical fitness, it was making me feel better about myself.”

He pushed himself to run farther and raced in his first Ironman competition in 2008.

“It’s different when you use drugs, you temporarily feel good and afterwards, you feel like doing more drugs,” Freas said. “When you go for a long run and do physical fitness, you feel good doing it.”

Research in animals and humans show that exercise can be a mild antidepressant.

“It isn’t a huge surprise when you consider many positive effects exercise can have with regards to the brain chemistry: dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, epinephrine — these are all associated with mood altering effects,” said Dr. Cedric Bryant, the chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. “If they’re able to get this natural high, through a natural endeavor such as exercise, it allows them to replace the means to achieve that high with a more positive approach.”

One study showed that women trying to quit smoking were more successful when they exercised. And the National Institute on Drug Abuse held a conference last year to explore the possible role of physical activity in substance abuse prevention.

“The thought centers around the release of mood-altering brain chemical, mainly endorphins,” Bryant said. “It gives you euphoria or what you call ‘runner’s high.’ ”

Crandell said some people who battle drug addiction “want something more than sitting in support groups filled with smoke, complaining about drinking.”

“I’ve had some of my naysayers from other programs who say you’ve taken one addiction and replaced it for another,” Crandell said. “I’ve taken addiction and put into a new focus that includes exercise. Exercise for me is essential to my recovery and well-being.”

The purpose of Racing for Recovery is not to turn everyone into an athlete, but to focus on positive pursuits in a person’s life.

“Whatever you lost during your addiction, that should be your Ironman, not just running,” Crandell said. “If your goal is to become a teacher, let that be your Ironman.”

Click here for full article

I came across the ‘One Sober Alcoholic’ blog a while ago, then again today, it must be a sign! Either way, I enjoy the writings of this author. Today’s post is about her first year of sobriety which is an interesting read.

You can read the post titled “What it was like: Year One” at One Sober Alcoholic

Enjoy!

Another reason to quit drinking alcohol!

Source; The George Institute

A new global study has found that lifestyle risk factors such as alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking are important risk factors for bowel cancer. Researchers have shown that people who consume the largest quantities of alcohol (equivalent to > 7 drinks per week) have 60% greater risk of developing the cancer, compared with non-drinkers.

Smoking, obesity and diabetes were also associated with a 20% greater risk of developing bowel cancer – the same risk linked with consuming high intakes of red and processed meat.

Approximately one million new cases of bowel (colorectal) cancer are diagnosed worldwide each year, and more than half a million people die from this type of cancer. In Australia alone, it is the most commonly occurring cancer with more than 12,000 new cases diagnosed each year.

According to lead researcher Associate Professor Rachel Huxley at The George Institute, the most startling finding of this study was, “The strong, and largely, unknown association between high intakes of alcoholic beverages with risk of colorectal cancer. Most people probably know that being overweight and having poor dietary habits are risk factors for the disease, but most are probably unaware that other lifestyle risk factors such as alcohol consumption, cigarette smoking and diabetes are also important culprits.”

Australia’s National Health and Medical Research Council recommend individuals shouldn’t be drinking more than two standard drinks per day.

On a positive note, researchers also demonstrated that physical activity lowered an individual’s risk of the disease but surprisingly, there was little evidence to indicate that high intakes of fruit and vegetables were protective against bowel cancer.

“These findings strongly suggest that a large proportion of colorectal cancer cases could potentially be avoided by making relatively modest lifestyle adjustments such as drinking less, quitting smoking, eating healthily and being a little more active”, said Associate Professor Huxley. “Such changes would also have huge benefits in terms of reducing an individuals’ risk of developing other major forms of illness including cardiovascular disease.”

The study reviewed more than 100 published studies that had reported on the association between major and modifiable risk factors for colorectal cancer including alcohol, smoking, diabetes, physical activity and various dietary components.

This is a great alcohol Recovery Success Story titled ‘Back From The Bottle’. Very encouraging and inspiring.

Source: (AbbyNews) By Vikki Hopes

Roger Hoekstra gazed out the window on a dark snowy night, grabbed his beer from the table next to him and made the decision to leave his family.

“Their life will get better without me. At least they’ll have a chance,” he thought.

He held the beer in his hand, but didn’t drink it. He thought about the pain in his wife’s eyes just a few minutes ago, when they had another terrible fight.

She had been in tears again.

He thought about his parents and the moral lessons they had tried to teach him.

As he sat there, Hoekstra’s thinking began to change. Would his family really be better off if he left, or would it be even better if the booze left?

He uttered four words: “God, please help me.”

Hoekstra grew up in a stable home in Chatham, Ont. His Dutch parents were solid Christians with strong moral convictions they tried to pass on to their five children. The family attended church regularly.

Hoekstra was the oldest, and he was a shy, quiet child who often felt out of place with others. One night, at the age of 13, he was hanging out with a friend whose parents were the caretakers of an adjacent synagogue. The two boys snuck some wine out of the synagogue, and they drank it with abandon.

Hoekstra liked how it loosened him up. He wasn’t that shy little kid anymore.

He arrived at school the next morning, still on the tipsy side and was sent home for the day.

Hoekstra didn’t drink again until he was almost 16 and began going to parties. Within a few months, he knew something was wrong. Whenever he started drinking, it was rare that he could stop before he was plastered.

He’d leave a party and drive around with a case of beer in his vehicle. He wouldn’t go home until it was all gone.

At the age of 17, Hoekstra got a job plowing fields. His cooler packed with beer was almost always by his side. He had his first brush with the law when he got caught stealing parts out of a car, and spent the night in jail.

A year later, he spent another night in jail after getting in a drunken brawl.

“Don’t tell your mother,” his father instructed him the next day.

Hoekstra decided to move away from the bad influences in his life, and he fled to B.C. to work in construction. He was able to limit his drinking to weekends, and reasoned that his previous experiences were just a phase he had outgrown.

He met Betty at a college party and the two were engaged within a few weeks. They married the following year. Hoekstra was 21.

His drinking returned with a vengeance – heralding the start of a 16-year battle.

He became a welder, and it was a routine for him to stop at a beer and wine store once his shift ended to grab a couple of beers for the 20-minute ride home.

Once home, Hoekstra would drink throughout the evening. His beverage of choice was beer because he didn’t like the way that hard booze made him verbally vicious.

But even the beer made him obnoxious and miserable. Everything else in his life – including his wife and five children – came second to alcohol.

He would wake up in the morning with a severe case of the “shakes,” and would down pain medication to counteract his hangover headaches.

He repeated this process every day and didn’t get his first look at sobriety until about 1990 when he attended 12-step meetings for three weeks to support a friend. Much of the information he heard made sense to him. He stopped drinking during those weeks, and then convinced himself he could handle alcohol just on the weekends.

That lasted for one weekend before he was back into the cycle for another five years.

It was Jan. 23, 1995 at the age of 37 when he pondered whether to leave his family.

Instead, he quit drinking, attended 12-step meetings every day, and learned how to leave alcohol behind, permanently.

Click here to read full story

When I was growing up, I don’t ever remember being told of the risk of alcoholism. It was just an accepted fact that people drank and some could handle it while others could not.

I find it encouraging that we see headlines such as these in today’s world. Here is an article from Health Day about sensitivity to alcohol.

Source; HealthDay.com

Study in rats finds that even one injection leads to dependent behavior

THURSDAY, May 28 (HealthDay News) — A naturally occurring protein plays a role in the disrupted functioning of the brain’s reward circuitry seen in people with drug and alcohol dependence, says a new study.

“If we can understand how the brain’s circuitry changes in association with drug abuse, it could potentially suggest ways to medically counteract the effects of dependency,” Scott Steffensen, a study co-author and a neuroscientist at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, said in a news release.

Previous studies found that chronic drug users can experience an increase of a protein known as brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) in the brain’s reward circuitry. In the new study, the researchers found that a single injection of BDNF made rats behave as if they were dependent on opiates, even though they’d never been given the drugs.

The BDNF injections caused the rats to leave their usual area — with its comforting smells, lighting and texture — in search of a fix. The researchers also found that the BDNF injections in the rats caused certain chemicals that normally inhibit neurons in the brain’s reward circuitry to excite neurons, which is what happens when people become dependent on drugs.

The finding suggests that BDNF plays a major role in inducing drug dependency, one important aspect of drug addiction, Steffensen said.

The study is published in the May 29 issue of the journal Science.

Read article at HealthDay.com

Everyone in addiction recovery needs some kind of support. Luckily for Eminem he had the master of celebrity recovery to turn to for advice…

Source; (Vibe.com)

While battling his addiction to pills, Eminem turned to another celebrity who’d been down the same road—62-year-old singer-songwriter Sir Elton John. In an out-take from his first-person cover story in VIBE’s June 2009 Real Rap Issue, Eminem reveals that he and Elton have been close friends since their surprise performance of “Stan” at the 2001 Grammys.

“When I came home from the hospital the second time and I realized that I was giving up drugs forever I reached out to Elton cause I knew he had a problem before,” Eminem explains. “I knew he was in recovery and I just wanted to reach out to somebody who was on the same level as far as fame and shit like that go, and just asked him how in the hell he did it. He was really supportive, and still is to this day.”

When Elton John first performed with Eminem back in 2001, the openly gay rock legend was criticized for co-signing a rapper whose lyrics had been labeled homophobic. But John was adamant in his support. “From the start, I’ve always admired Eminem’s thinking,” he said in a 2005 interview. “That’s the reason I wanted to appear on the Grammys with him when I was asked, despite all the nonsense talked about his being homophobic. Let the Boy Georges and the George Michaels of the world get up in a twist about it if they don’t have the intelligence to see his intelligence.”

Eminem and Elton kept in touch ever since that Grammy performance. “We’d call each other up every now and then,” Eminem reveals. “I went to a concert of his when he came to town—me and Kid Rock went.”

And when Eminem was caught up in a fight for his life, he turned to Elton for support and advice. “Especially in the beginning, there was a couple of things he talked me out of doing,” Eminem admits in an out-take from his June 2009 VIBE cover story “Can I Kick It?” which details his nearly fatal overdose, relapses, recovery, and triumphant return to hip hop. “There was a Nelson Mandela thing that I was rumored to go to and I had just got out of the hospital. He was like ‘Don’t do it. Do not do it.’ I was actually considering it. I didn’t want to disappoint anybody. He talked me out of doing it. He was like, ‘I’m telling you’re gonna get over there and you’re gonna wanna use. Don’t do it, it’s too early. You don’t even have enough clean time under your belt.” He called a lot. A few times a week. Checked in to see how I was doing and shit. He knew how hard it was in the beginning for him to quit.”

Eminem’s new album Relapse(Shady / Aftermath / Interscope) drops next week.

Read article at Vibe.com

I love reading alcohol and addiction recovery stories like this one, it helps to know that there are others out there making enormous changes in their lives and beating alcoholism and other addictions.

The Sophia Recovery Center is in Canada;

Source; Telegraph Journal Canada East

In February 2008, the Sophia Recovery Centre opened its doors at 83 Hazen Street in Saint John. This is the story of its first year.

The Sophia Recovery Centre is a non-residential facility for female youth and women recovering from addiction. Adult women in N.B. do not have access to a long-term treatment program for addictions, a situation which prompted the establishment of the Sophia Recovery Centre. It is the only one of its kind in the province. Women tend to feel safe in women’s only programs; this is particularly true of women who are vulnerable or who have suffered abuse.

During the first 12 months of operation, 80 women walked into the Sophia Recovery Centre, making 668 visits over the year. These numbers do not include contact and counselling through email and telephone. The women’s ages range from teens to seniors, and they represent all walks of life.

“When I pushed the doorbell for the first time, I was afraid and desperate. I was worried I wouldn’t be wanted, but I was instantly welcomed and felt comfortable and safe.” Molly (names have been changed) is a mid-30s employed, married woman in recovery from alcohol addiction, and was living in an abusive alcohol-filled environment.

“They gave me a soft place to land. Here, I could sit alone and enjoy a peaceful atmosphere, or sit with others and have an uplifting conversation. I learned that my thoughts, feelings, fears, regrets and shames were very common among addicted women. These were things I couldn’t say in a mixed group at AA. Here, I received compassion and advice. I learned to respect myself and to trust other women. Not only have I received support, but I have been able to give support to others. The serenity I experienced here I knew I wanted in all parts of my life, and I have made changes to get that.”

Molly has had over two years in recovery and credits Sophia Recovery Centre as being a major tool in her growth, and in her decisions to move on to a better life.

Pat is her mid-40s, a mother and grandmother. She began abusing alcohol in her early teens, and later became addicted to medication prescribed for injuries from an accident. “I was at the end of my rope. I started emailing the centre, and they convinced me to go to detox. This wasn’t my first time in detox, but none of it worked before. When I got out I didn’t know how to apply the program to my life, or how to deal with certain situations. Being clean and sober doesn’t give you the life skills you never had. Because of Sophia Recovery Centre, I now have the tools to make the right decisions. The women I meet here have had an addiction and they understand what is needed – oh, the wisdom in these walls! I would not be alive today if it were not for this place. I never knew there was a world like this. I am happy for the first time in my life.”

Read the full story here

The mega star Eminem has made a comeback with a new album titled ‘Relapse’. He has been sober since April 20th 2008. Although Eminem does not specifically talk about alcohol abuse in his interview with The New York Times, he does speak of sobriety. He speaks openly in both his interview and his album about his battle with addiction.
Since Eminem’s decision to get sober, he has been through rehab and a full 12 Step recovery program, he has done this with the aid of a sponsor and a therapist.

Some of his quotes were easy to relate to;

Source;  NewYorkTimes

“I don’t know if I am exposing myself , I’m kind of just coming clean and exhaling”

“I was the worse kind of addict, a functioning addict”

” I was so into my addiction at one point that I couldn’t picture myself being able to do anything without some kind of drug”

“The deeper I got into my addiction, the tighter the lid got on my creativity”

“When I got sober the lid just came off. In seven months I accomplished more than I could accomplish in three or four years doing drugs”

“I’m blessed enough to be able to have an outlet”

I think we can all relate to his words.