Friendships During The First Year Of Sobriety

Friends.

During my first year of sobriety, I experienced a multitude of feelings towards my friends and people I knew.

Initially, I didn’t want to see many people. I had the intense desire to be alone and with close family only. I did not feel comfortable telling my friends that I had made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. I wanted to make sense of what I was doing before I spoke about it with anyone else.

Planning my day and learning to overcome the intense desire to drink alcohol took all of my strength and will. I did not have the energy to expend with other people.

 I believe that having alone time is very important during early sobriety, writing in a journal during this time is extremely beneficial, it aides the process of emptying the mind of negativity and boredom.

As the months passed, I spent time scrutinizing my relationships, there were times when I thought that I would have to end certain friendships.

 After the first few months of sobriety, I felt like I had become a completely different person. At one point, I could not see how my old friendships would fit in with my new life.

By the end of the year I had maintained my long term friendships. My feelings had changed. I found that throughout the first year of sobriety, my mind was all over the place. I experienced doubt about myself, insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and confusion. There were times when I did not think that any of my friends would like who I had become, I felt so radically different. One day I explained this to a therapist I was seeing and she said that although I felt so different, my friends would see that the “essence” of who I am remained the same. It didn’t make much sense to me at that time but it does now.

Although many of my friends still drink alcohol, I have remained friends with them. I do not see them very often and it works well this way. They are still close to my heart but our lifestyles are different now. I can enjoy their company and  be comfortable when they are drinking alcohol in my presence, they still enjoy who I am but it is a different experience now.

I have noticed that my choice of friends has changed too. When I meet new people, I tend not to gravitate to the drinkers and smokers anymore. Even if I really like them, I know that to be surrounded by people who are drinking and smoking regularly is not something that I want any part of now. It would not be in my best interest to make friends like this because of the temptation involved, it is just not worth it.

The change that takes place within you during the first year of sobriety is enormous. I would not advise hasty decisions regarding friendships unless you are certain that they have a negative effect on you. Spend time with yourself, nature, a journal, and a therapist for the first year. It may not sound like much fun but the rewards that you will reap in your second year will be massive.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 30th, 2010 at 11:50 pm and is filed under Get Sober. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.