A Newly Sober Reader, A Guest Post by Brian

“Hello everyone – this is my first little contribution to Recovery Princess.  I have recently become sober and began reading through this site for inspiration, insight, etc.  I’ve been writing in my spare time for myself, just notes that I’ve gathered here and there, now that my head is clearing up.  I drank for 8 years, and after the culmination of all that time (with all the mistakes and embarrassments that go along with it), decided to do what, hopefully, you’ve decided to do as well – get out of the pit of hell that alcohol helped me dig for myself.  I hope you enjoy them!”

One thing I’ve learned since “quitting the bottle” is this:

Some, many, even possibly most of the friends you had while living as an alcoholic will either not understand or be hesitant to support your decision to stop drinking.  This can be annoying, disconcerting, and if you’re not careful, can weaken your resolve to stay quit.  Here’s a quote by Mark Twain:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

It may feel a natural reaction to hold your friends in contempt who at first don’t understand your decision.  Remember that the change you are making is affecting them too.  You may receive jibes about being a “Sober Sally” (that was my favorite) here and there, but be sure to recognize when the comments only in jest.  If your friends are not being condescending, then they’re probably just dealing with your new lifestyle the only way they know how – they aren’t intending to stifle you.  If you hear condescension in a remark, you may want to re-evaluate that person’s friendship.  Not everyone has your best interests in mind.

In my case there were only two or three really good friends who were absolutely behind me on my decision.  I spent as much time with them as possible, and still do.  (They were the only people I knew who seemed capable of engaging in activities without drinking!)  If you have yet to try and find those people in your life, then I suggest you start looking.  They can be your sanity outposts in a time of difficult transition.  Being around good (and sober) company is a comfort that most alcoholics tend to ignore, and I was the same way until I realized the extent of my problem.

Spending time alone may be an issue for your recovery.  It is a situation where many people feel most vulnerable, and therefore end up in a dangerous scenario for relapse.  Grab on!  The people that support you don’t want you to relapse, and if it means spending another night a week with you, you’ll probably find that they’re willing.  Especially if you make it clear to them how important it is.

There is a flip side to this idea, as there is with all ideas.  And that is this:  your recovery cannot come from anyone but yourself.  Your friends are not going to stop drinking for you, no matter how much time you are around them.  That, and you cannot completely avoid having to be alone sometimes.  Remember that the most important and crucial part of your support must come from you.  Whether you are relying on a formal detox program, an unconventional method of recovery, or going it alone, your resolve to stop drinking will ultimately be a function of your own constant will to be sober.

So do not avoid being alone altogether.  If you do, your time spent around supporting friends may be an easy sober ride for you, but the minute you are alone that support will vanish instantly.  So my advice is this:  utilize good friends as best you can, but utilize your time alone with books, movies, cooking, exercise, naps – whatever it is that you love to do.  Remember that being sober is a freedom!

By Brian

This entry was posted on Monday, July 27th, 2009 at 5:29 pm and is filed under Get Sober. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.