Get sober, go on, do it. It is hard as hell but you know what, you get yourself back. You get your self respect back, you don’t have to feel apologetic and guilty all the time, you don’t have to look at other people and think how together they are and how superior they are because inside you feel so awful about your drinking. Reality is that once you get sober, you can be your own person, make your own decisions, spend your time with people that you truly admire and respect not those that you just have a good time with. You also realize that those people that you thought were so worthy of respect are actually just human. It is a bit of a comedown to realize that every one is just like you, just a person trying to live their life the best way they can, dealing with their own problems.
A hard part of sobriety for me is the reality that no one is perfect, everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes.
For a long time I had such low self esteem that I held so many others in a much higher regard than myself. The reality check you get once you have some solid sober time under your belt is pretty tough to accept. Obviously no one is perfect. The good news is that I was not as bad as I thought! That is rather nice to know.
I think I have always looked for perfection, as unrealistic as it is. Over the years, I thought I had found some perfect people, it was a shock for me to realize once I got sober that actually they were no where near perfection, I had been holding them in such high regard, and why? Because I was so low in self esteem and had a brain that had been pickled by alcohol for so long.
I guess my point is that you should get sober, take a good look around you and realize that this world is a better place for having you in it. It doesn’t make you less of a person because you are an addict, it doesn’t matter if you have stooped lower than low, if you don’t like the things you have done and the journey to date, then now you have the chance to change it, as well as the people in your life. People come and go in our journey through life and I am a believer that there is something to learn from all of them even if you don’t particularly like them very much. Don’t feel insecure about other people because none of them are any better than you even if they think they are. They have just chosen a different path.
Be your own person, make your own choices, create a life that you like and feel good about. Connect with those who stimulate you and whose company you enjoy, if there is no one around you like that then go and find them. For goodness sake, get away from people who sap your energy or just generally do not make you feel good about yourself 100% of the time.