How are you doing? I know you say you are fine but how are you really doing? I see the pain in your eyes, I know the panic and dread you face every day. I know because I have experienced it too. Do you know what you need to do? I’m sure you do but you have made many excuses for why you can’t do it. Your answer is the answer of many who have gone before you and will continue after. You ask “How do I change everything when there is so much to change?” You start with you, the rest will follow. If you can’t do it from where you are then you need to leave and go elsewhere. This is the road less travelled, the harder one, the scarier one but the one with the best results given your problem. You can stay and do the same thing you always do, try, abstain, continue to live the life you live but without alcohol or you be drastic and do what you have to do. There isn’t anything easy about it, but once you truly understand what you need to do, you will be able to move forward. Ask for help and you will get it but don’t be naive enough to think you can carry on your life as it is just minus the alcohol. When you stop drinking, everything must change for you to be fully engaged in your sobriety and relationships. This is serious business and others depend on you.